Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Welcome back, grumpy pants

Well, my best friend pointed out to me yesterday that I haven't added to my blog since June. Of course, there was a 2 week vacation to Arizona in July (actually, quite lovely) and then the business of returning home. I felt like I was too busy to write, too tired, etc...etc...
But, today I realized that I have been grumpy, not myself, burdened, edgy and stir crazy. I think I was afraid to see my voice in print. As a wise woman once said (Mary Pipher) "if your message is 'life is sh*t, spare the reader".
So, here I've been for a few weeks, edgy and anxious. The kids are hard, the house is a mess and on and on. Then, a blessing came (but disguised as a burden, ha!). My husband, wonderful soul mate, got called away to Wisconsin on a business trip. Gone from 5 am Monday morning until late Friday evening. Ack! A week with the kids with no lunchtime visits, tag-team dinner and bath, help with Braeden while I put Isaac to bed.
What will I do if I am just simply out of energy? How will I survive when I am pulled to the edge?
This sense of needing to have my energy up to take care of the family, the urge to have a sense of sanity and peace, the desperate need to be able to cope with the demands by myself has given me an incredible gift.
I have given myself permission (gasp!) to slow down with the chores, the enrichment, the constant feeling of being 'on the job', and to replace these things with the self-care that will allow me to cope by myself. Today, for the first time in... how long?... I felt at peace. When I came back to taking care of my kids my parenting came from the right place in my heart.
So, I know I'll forget, but here it is in print! We MUST take care of ourselves in order to be the best parent for our kids. Yes, yes... so many things must be done and they are all important, but becoming a rusty, bent nail doesn't exactly help build the house.
So, there it is. I am missing the company of my husband, and his sweetness, but here I am taking care of my two kids all alone for the week, and I am happier in my skin than I have been in awhile. Happy enough to blog again. Thanks Kim!

1 comment:

Kim Gasper said...

You're welcome! Sorry I'm just now getting around to reading it.